With friends like Penelope Trunk, who needs enemies?

On October 9, Penelope Trunk wrote a guest post on Tech Crunch titled "Women Don't Want to Run Startups because They'd Rather Have Children."  Intrigued by the title, I delved into the article, figuring that she was being snarky.  Sacrastic.  Maybe a little snide toward "The Man."  My jaw hit the floor when I learned that Trunk actually meant that title.  She's a mom.  And she runs (ran) start-ups -- which, if you're paying attention, voids her title.  I remain flabbergasted.

My problem with Trunk's piece is straightforward: it's negative and sets women back in our quest for equal opportunity.  She references Jeff Stibel's piece in the Harvard Business Review in which he equates entrpreneurship to disease.  She references stress, and hell, and relief that she's going to be able to be the center of her family instead of the center of her business now -- business which she equates with Farmville in a very odd way.  (Read the piece.  I don't think I'll ever understand the Farmville angle.)  Her generalizations are sweeping: men won't scour the town for the best ballet class, men are more confident in their parenting ability... men, men, men have it easier, easier, easier.  Men get more funding.  Men's priorities are better suited to the start-up life.  Men have it right.

So Trunk is just going to stay home now.

Huh?

Here's the thing: I think there's more to the story of Trunk's "separation" from her company.  But, at the end of the day, I don't really care about that.  What I care about is that Trunk has done something entrepreneurial, and, instead of sharing her experience in a way that is useful to other "momtrepreneurs," she's bashing it.  Instead of saying "had I done this differently" or "if I ruled the VC world, here's how I'd factor lifestyle businesses into my funding ratios,' she says: "too hard" and "can't" and "hell" and "I'm outta here."

Sister, I have a problem with that.

I have a problem with Gloria Feldt suggesting moms shouldn't stay home (you can read about that here), and I have a problem with you saying they don't want to be entprepreneurs.  (Can't.  Hell.  Stress.)  Which is it?  Are we supposed to work -- or aren't we?  The way I read your piece suggests that sure, we can work, but we'd better not try to grab that brass ring Gloria shames us for slapping away.  It takes too much of a toll, and you, for one, have decided it's not worth it.

Here's what I want to see from Gloria, from you, and from every single other woman in any kind of power in business -- and from any woman who wants to be: Make it happen.  Make it possible.  Figure out a way for us to say "can" instead of "can't."  Structure your workday in a way that works for you -- and set the tone for your company's workday that way.  Work for better childcare options.  Work for school days and years that actually compete with the rest of the world -- which takes care of part of the childcare problem, actually.  Work for the business world to come around to more family-friendliness.  That starts with lobbying for extended maternity leave -- and paternity leave -- and for secure job options after that extended leave.  It continues with a focus on work/life balance so that we actually can accomplish in a "normal" workday what we need to do -- and leave the Blackberry and the Outlook aside when we are with our families.  It ends with reasonable demands from reasonable people for reasonable change. 

One can rightly accuse me of not having start-up experience: I don't, yet.  I have been seeking the right opportunity for a while, and I run up against people like Penelope Trunk often: people who don't want to hire me because they know I have kids, instantly making me an unattractive candidate; my priorities might not be in line -- people who don't want to take a chance on me because my balancing act won't look like the 20-something one Trunk references in your piece.  They say "can't."  I say, "try me."  I can give someone a reasonable work week and accomplish more in that week than in a 20-something's twice-as-long week because, after all, I have different priorities.  Those priorities make me effective, not overextended. 

Thanks to Penelope Trunk, though, it's going to be even harder for moms like me who are trying to grab a foothold in start-up land.  People will see me and think "can't."  And frankly, that's just not fair.  Then again, as my ex-husband's former boss used to say, "Fair is where you take the kids on Sunday to see the pigs."  We could ask Penelope, who raises pigs now, a thing or two about that. 

Originally published on October 14, 2010.

 

Comments

[Sally Riley]

I think of Jean who raised five kids, quite successfully, and raised a business at the same time, to an outstanding success also! She sits on the Bank Board of Directors and has a wonderful life. She started, developed, and ran the business, all while raising 5 children.
And make no mistake. She was the one who had the business sense and the chutzpah. She is just a personal example. There are many Jeans out there.

[Penelope Trunk]

Hi, there. I think you misunderstand the post I wrote. There is a very heated debate going on at TechCrunch about why women do not get venture capital funding. I am addressing this question. So, already, very few women are even asking for this funding, and a higher percentage of women than men who ask actually get the funding.

So the issue is not one of inequality. (Those topics have already been addressed on the TechCrunch blog.) The issue is that people want to know why women don't ask for venture capital.

Also, I'm not sure you are making a distinction between starting a business (more women than men start businesses in the US) and taking in venture capital. It is very, very different.

My post talks about answering the question of venture capital. Your post, on the other hand, talks about all different sorts of scenarios that do not apply to the argument.

It would be like saying: more women in medical school go into opthalmalogy than neurosurgery. Why is that? The answer is that the neurosurgery hours are terrible and the opthalmalogy hours are great. It's not complicated. And I'm saying the same thing about why women start regular businesses but not venture funded businesses.

Penelope

[Rox]

Thank you, Penelope, for reading my post and for responding. While you highlight some ways in which you feel my post doesn't address your main point, you seem to be missing mine: I feel you've done women like me a grave disservice in painting the scene as you did (women's desire for procreation > women's desire for venture-backed business). Platitudes like that are dangerous things. Among other issues, they pose a problem especially for my childless girlfriends seeking venture backing who don't deserve to be put in a bucket with those who prioritize child-rearing over their business. If a VC reads your piece and is faced with a "momtrepreneur" -- or someone who isn't yet of age to have kids but is suspected to be interested in going that route someday because of her gender -- is that VC going to be more or less likely to fund her? As well, are women going to read that and say: "She's right. It's too hard. I should just stay home and have babies." What have you done for women, here, except give them pause in seeking funding and give investors pause before giving it? (Acknowledged, you did not write this piece to "do" anything for women, but the potential consequences of such a piece must be addressed.) As my family lives in the world of start-ups and VCs, I am aware of the issues you raise -- but my problem isn't in you offering an answer to a question. An answer is different from a solution, and, to that end, I don't see one forthcoming from you because of the path you've chosen for yourself. That's not wrong in any way, of course, but that doesn't address the global concern I have here: how do we get more women in business, venture-backed and otherwise, and, moreover, how do we get the corporate world to show some family-friendliness? I feel like you don't believe the latter can happen, and that is the button I wish to push. I believe it can, if women who've made it there can pave the way rather than giving up.